


To Sacrifice One's Self

by simpleficgirl



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gwaine Being Gwaine (Merlin), Gwaine is also great, Jealous Arthur, Lancelot (Merlin) Lives, M/M, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Protective Gwaine (Merlin), Resurrected!Lancelot, Well more like he comes back to life, canon divergence post 4x08, extremely angsty, i wanted to write just fluff but im capable of no angst so here it is, lance comes back because he deserved better, lancelot and merlin are best friends, merthur and gwencelot endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:33:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26502961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simpleficgirl/pseuds/simpleficgirl
Summary: “The Gods have deemed you worthy of returning to the land of the living, Sir Lancelot.” He was sure he could hear bitterness in her words.“Why?”“Emrys needs you. He is their vessel, and he is drowning under his burden. He will fail without counsel. The Gods have decreed it shall be you who saves him.”---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lancelot is sent back to Camelot to share Merlin's burden. Arthur thinks they're together romantically and gets jealous. A magic reveal turns their worlds upside down, and Lancelot is left to pick up the pieces. With Gwaine's help of course.Canon divergence after the Lamia (4x08) but before Lancelot du Lac (4x09)OR: the Lancelot return and Mercelot friendship we all deserved.UPDATE: This used to be called Lancelot's Return, but I've renamed it. If you were looking for that fic, here it is.
Relationships: Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin), Gwen/Lancelot (Merlin), Knights of the Round Table & Merlin (Merlin), Lancelot & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 778
Collections: Merlin





	To Sacrifice One's Self

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I've been thinking about this for a while and it took me a long time to actually write it and finish it because I just started uni so I've been super busy...this was originally supposed to be really short but I got carried away and this is what I ended up with! Let me know what you think!

As darkness seemed to lift, he became aware that he was awake; although he knew he hadn’t been aware that he was sleeping. Muffled voices and screams were echoing through his head, but they weren’t loud. Nothing was discernible, and he had no idea what was going on. He was in a foggy haze until he heard one voice ring out above the others.

“Sir Lancelot Du Lac. Knight of Camelot. The bravest and most noble of them all. Your time among men has come again.”

Lancelot squinted, searching through the haze for who was speaking. “What do you mean? Who are you? Where am I?”

“I am the Cailleach.”

Lancelot’s blood ran cold. “You made me walk through the veil. I died. Why am I here?”

“The Gods have deemed you worthy of returning to the land of the living, Sir Lancelot.” He was sure he could hear bitterness in her words.

“Why?”

“Emrys needs you. He is their vessel, and he is drowning under his burden. He will fail without counsel. The Gods have decreed it shall be you who saves him.”

Lancelot allowed himself to be worried for Merlin. He knew walking through the veil meant leaving him alone with his burden, but at least it meant he got to live. He had hoped he would choose to share his secret with someone else so he wasn’t alone. Lancelot inferred that that hadn’t happened.

“You will go now, Lancelot. See that Emrys fulfills his destiny.”

“I will.” Lancelot vowed, before the haze lifted and he found himself right in the place where he died. Looking around and seeing no one, he began his journey to Camelot, hoping he would be able to protect his friend and share his burdens.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Merlin woke up at dawn, groaning as he saw the sun peeking through his window. He knew he would have to get up to go wake Arthur and bring him his breakfast, all while avoiding flying goblets and pillows thrown by the prat himself.

He had a strange feeling, like something in the air had shifted, but he brushed it off and rose to get dressed before Gaius could come in and give him the Eyebrow of Doom and tell him he was late.

As he arrived at and entered Arthur’s chambers, he yanked open the curtains and grinned as he yelled “rise and shine!” in the direction of the bed, chuckling as he heard a moan from the King. He ducked to avoid an incoming pillow, and tutted as Arthur mumbled something about ‘overly cheery idiots’ under his breath.

“I’ll go get your breakfast, sire.”

Arthur scowled at his servant. “Why are you so loud at this hour?”

Merlin shrugged innocently. “This is just my natural volume.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Yet another problem you have then.”

Merlin grinned as he left the room and Arthur’s lips twitched before he settled himself and sat up.

Once Merlin had returned with breakfast and dressed Arthur, the King ate and chose to look the other way when Merlin stole some of his food. He slapped Merlin’s hand away as he tried to take the last sausage. He pointed his fork accusingly. “I allow many things Merlin. I draw the line at the last sausage.”

Merlin once again put on an innocent face. “I have no idea what you mean sire.”

Arthur smiled, and Merlin knew the face meant trouble. “Well maybe you’ll know what I mean when I give you your list of chores today. Mucking out the stables, cleaning my room, doing my laundry, polishing my armour…shall I go on?”

Merlin huffed and threw his arms up in the air. Arthur thought he quite looked like a petulant child. “But I already polished your armour yesterday! And mucked out the stables!”

Arthur pretended to think. “Well then I suppose you’ll just have to do them again!”

Merlin scowled. “Would you like to guess how many treasonous thoughts are running through my head?”

Arthur laughed, a real laugh that made Merlin smile just a little. “I’m content to leave those thoughts inside that head of yours. But don’t think too much, Merlin. I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.”

Merlin scowled again, but the upwards twitch of his lips gave him away as he headed for the door. “The list is only growing sire!” he yelled out as he left the room, leaving Arthur to laugh again before readying himself to go deal with the day’s affairs.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arthur was walking through the courtyard when he ran into Gwen, and knocked over the basket of laundry she was carrying. “Guinevere! My apologies.”

Gwen smiled at him, “it’s alright.”

He helped her pick up the basket, and they made small talk as she replaced the laundry. Both were feeling slightly awkward, not having had the chance to speak much recently, but Arthur cracked a joke, and when it fell completely flat, she just giggled at him, sending them both into a fit of laughter. It died out when they heard people gasping all around them.

Confused, both Arthur and Gwen looked up towards where everyone was facing, and let out gasps of their own. Gwen dropped the basket again.

There, in front of their eyes, sat Lancelot atop a horse that he had been gifted by a kind man in a village on his journey. A small smile was on his lips as he rode through the citadel, stopping and turning into a bigger smile when his eyes landed on Arthur and Gwen.

He stopped his horse and dismounted, stopping right in front of them.

“Your majesty,” he bowed slightly to Arthur, who’s mouth was still open, and then turned to Gwen, “my lady”.

Gwen thought she was seeing things, and still didn’t respond. Arthur finally snapped out of his haze and said: “Lancelot! How…?” he trailed off, at a loss for words.

Lancelot smiled, but knew he would not give the true answer. He decided on a simple: “it’s a long story, sire.”

Arthur just nodded, still somewhat in a daze. Lancelot looked at Gwen, who’s eyes were now darting between Arthur and him, as if she was expecting something more to happen. Her gaze settled on Lancelot, but she didn’t know what to say. There were so many questions to ask, so many apologies to make, that she didn’t know how to even start. Lancelot seemed to sense this, so he just shook his head at her, still smiling, as if telling her that they could deal with it at a later time.

Arthur finally pulled Lancelot into a hug, not caring about who was watching, and the knight laughed slightly before returning the kind albeit slightly awkward one-armed embrace.

Whispers could be heard all over the courtyard, so Lancelot knew word would be travelling fast. He was just hoping word would soon reach Merlin. He didn’t want to be rude and leave Arthur and Gwen, but he wanted desperately to see his friend and tell him all that had happened.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Merlin was polishing Arthur’s sword in the armoury, murmuring about prattish kings and their unattainable expectations when he heard a commotion outside. Fearing the worst, he dropped the sword and ran down the halls of the castle, and ran through the main doors. He sprinted down the stairs, but as he looked up to see what was going on, he stopped short.

He knew his eyes were deceiving him, because it looked like Lancelot was right in front of him…

As if sensing his presence, Lancelot looked up from Arthur and Gwen, and simply breathed out “Merlin”, before a blinding smile took over his face, as if all his problems were suddenly righted.

Merlin slowly descended the rest of the stairs, not breaking eye contact, and kept walking until he was within an arm’s reach of Lancelot. It seemed to Arthur that Merlin wasn’t even aware of who or what was around him, his sole focus was on the knight.

“Lancelot?” Merlin whispered, hand reaching out as if to touch him, to check he was real, but stopping himself before he could. Lancelot simply smiled and nodded. “But it’s impossible…you…I saw you…”

Lancelot said: “it’s me Merlin, really.”

Merlin, seeing the truth in his friend’s eyes, smiled wider than any of them had seen in months, and absolutely launched himself at Lancelot. The knight laughed, full of joy, and wrapped his arms around Merlin, both of them holding on so tight they were basically just ignoring the world around them.

Arthur watched in confusion. He knew Lancelot and Merlin were close, but he never knew they were this close. Gwen watched on with a twisted sense of jealousy as she realized that Lancelot seemed more happy to see Merlin than he was to see her. She pushed that thought down immediately once she remembered that she was with Arthur now, and no longer had any right or claim to Lancelot, especially after what she made him do.

The other knights returned from training and strolled into the courtyard, confused as to what everyone was staring at. They halted in their tracks as they saw Merlin squeezing the life out of Lancelot.

“Is that…?” Gwaine started.

Percival, unable to tear his eyes away, merely nodded.

Elyan and Leon’s jaws remained on the floor while Gwaine tried to remember how much he had drunk the night before, knowing that was the only explanation for what he was seeing. He had to get closer to be sure it wasn’t a drunk hallucination. Gwaine sauntered up to the two hugging with a false swagger that he was definitely not feeling, and tapped Merlin on the shoulder. Merlin only raised his head a bit and turned to look at Gwaine as he said: “mind if we get a turn?” Merlin rolled his eyes and huffed affectionately, but they both, albeit reluctantly, let go of each other.

Lancelot grinned as he embraced all the knights individually, saying how glad he was to see them all again, and laughing at Gwaine as the long-haired rogue called him a ‘cheeky bastard’ for avoiding death.

Merlin’s eyes never left Lancelot, tracking his every move, like he was scared if he turned away that his friend would disappear. Arthur’s eyes never left Merlin’s face, wondering when he missed how much Lancelot meant to his servant. He had never even see Merlin grieve the man beyond Arthur’s own personal mourning period. Of course, oblivious Arthur didn’t know that Merlin spent months crying at night alone for his loss. The other knights, obviously more intelligent than their king, quickly learned not to mention Lancelot’s name around Merlin, knowing the somber mood it would put him in. Arthur never learned such tact, but no one brought it up to him, including Merlin, so they all let him be.

Arthur then turned to look at Gwen, and noticed she was now looking between Merlin and Lancelot, looking extremely uncomfortable. He resolved to ask her about that later, but he was too busy focusing on Merlin’s reaction to Lancelot’s return. He did however smile fondly as he saw his best knights embracing each other, grinning slightly as he got dragged into a group hug by Merlin.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A while later, once the awed introductions were over, Merlin practically dragged Lancelot away to Gaius’ chambers, claiming he should ‘check him over for injuries’.

Gwaine rolled his eyes but muttered affectionately: “Merlin wants him all to himself”. But one look at the man showed he meant it in the best way. Lancelot shrugged in a ‘what can you do?’ kind of manner towards the others as he was being dragged away, one wrist held in a firm grip. The others saw Merlin say something to him and he just responded with a loud and long laugh, head thrown back and eyes sparkling. Merlin looked up at him as he heard it, and Arthur saw Merlin stare at Lancelot with something akin to awe in his eyes. It made Arthur want to look away, like he was intruding on something. One look at Gwen showed that she felt similarly.

Once they were in Gaius’ chambers, Merlin practically collapsed on a bench, running his hands through his hair. “how are you…I don’t…how are you here?” he asked as he looked up at his friend. “You…you died” he could barely get the word out, “almost a year ago…”

Lancelot took pity on his friend, he could see the guilt all over his face, which is exactly what they never wanted. “The Cailleach sent me back.”

Merlin pulled a face. “The Cailleach. The spirit who made you make the sacrifice in the first place. She just…sent you back?”

“Not exactly. She told me that the Gods had decided my time among the living had come again, and they were sending me back for you.”

“For me?”

“They said you were being crushed under the weight of your destiny and you needed someone to be there for you. You couldn’t keep doing it all alone.” Lancelot gave him a pointed look, and Merlin looked at the ground sheepishly. Lancelot continued. “I had hoped, you would have confided in someone, probably Gwaine, to help you deal with this. But since for some reason you decided not to, they deemed me worthy to come back to help you fulfill your destiny.”

Merlin looked up at him. “So you’re really back? For good?”

Lancelot smiled. “I believe so, yes.” Merlin beamed, but then his face turned serious again.

“Lancelot, I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault that you-“

Lancelot held his hand up and interrupted him. “Don’t.”

“But-“

“No, Merlin. This was not your fault. Don’t give me that look. Nothing could have stopped me from walking through, not even you. I made my decision, and I stand by it.”

“But it should’ve been me.”

“No, it shouldn’t have. It’s your destiny to protect Arthur, and I made a vow, not just to Gwen, but to you.”

“To me?”

“I vowed a very long time ago that I would not only keep your secret, but I would protect you. I wasn’t going to let you die, Merlin. You’re too important to me.”

Merlin felt warmth spread through him at those words, incredibly grateful for his friend. Lancelot carried on. “You’ve always protected all of us. I wanted to protect you. Besides” he started, with a cheeky grin, “if you died, we all probably would’ve ended up dead on the journey home anyway. Bandit attack or magical creature or something.” Merlin laughed a little and ducked his head. “I won’t allow you to feel guilty. I would make the same decision a hundred times over if it meant keeping you safe. We have a lot more to talk about… But first, we’re going to talk about why you haven’t told anyone yet…” Merlin groaned, Lancelot smiled victoriously, knowing Merlin couldn’t deny him the long conversation they were about to have.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That night, Arthur held a small feast in Lancelot’s honour, just the Knights of the Round Table, Arthur, Gwen, and Merlin. Merlin was serving, but one look from Lancelot and he happily sat down next to him, ignoring Arthur’s half-serious attempts at reminding him he had a job to do. Arthur looked around at his friends, and smiled at how happy they all looked, before he looked at Merlin and once again saw him engaged in conversation with Lancelot, both laughing at something Gwaine had said.

Arthur stood up, and held his cup in the air. The conversations stopped, and his friends looked at him expectantly. “I just wanted to say, Lancelot, thank you for your sacrifice at the Veil. We are forever indebted to you, and I, along with everyone in this room, feel very blessed that you are here with us today. Camelot owes you a great debt, my friend.”

Lancelot smiled and nodded at him. “Thank you, sire. I was happy to make the sacrifice” he looked at Merlin as he spoke, who looked back at him with a mix of pride and guilt. “I feel very lucky to be back.”

“Speaking of, how are you back? I was under the impression it was a one way journey.” Arthur said.

Lancelot laughed nervously. “It really is a long story sire.”

Elyan spoke up. “We’ve got nothing but time!” The others smiled and agreed, gesturing for Lancelot to start the tale.

Lancelot glanced at Merlin, who didn’t look as nervous as Lancelot felt. He cursed himself for not thinking of an excuse on his journey. He had no idea what to say.

Merlin spoke. “Go on Lancelot, tell them what you told me.”

Lancelot blanched. “What?” he whispered. There was no way Merlin was allowing him to divulge his secret.

Merlin gave him a pointed look that he couldn’t tell the meaning of, and spoke again. “Come on, tell them!”

“I-I don’t…”

Merlin gave an overexaggerated sigh. “Ugh. Fine. I’ll do it. The Gods sent him back.”

“Merlin…” Lancelot warned.

“Don’t be so modest! They sent him back because they said the Round Table was incomplete.”

Lancelot paused and looked at Merlin, who was grinning at him with a mischievous look in his eyes. _Ah._

“The Round Table was incomplete?” Percival asked.

Merlin spoke again, allowing Lancelot to act humble. “The table symbolizes equality, all that is said to be the goodness in Arthur’s reign. Without Lancelot, the table was incomplete, therefore it could not do all it was intended to do.”

“What on earth are you on about?” Arthur asked.

Merlin sighed as if they were all missing something obvious, while Lancelot was trying not to laugh. He was also impressed at Merlin’s thinking so quickly. “I mean, cabbagehead,”

“Hey!”

Merlin grinned. “I mean, that the Round Table represents everything you are destined to build; peace and prosperity for all, regardless of rank or status. Equality, amongst all things. Everyone with a seat at that table is destined to play a great part in this coming to pass. Lancelot had a seat. The table was incomplete without him. That’s why he’s back.”

Everyone let Merlin’s words sink in, each knight marveling at the fact that they were supposedly destined to be part of the kingdom’s great future, while Lancelot tried to shrink into his chair, not being used to being the center of attention. Arthur mulled over all that was said, then raised his goblet.

“Well then, to Sir Lancelot. Whose sacrifice saved Camelot, and who has returned to retake his rightful seat at the Round Table.”

Everyone raised their glasses in toast, cheering ‘hear, hear!’.

Lancelot smiled at everyone, eyes falling on Gwen, who was looking at him with a soft smile, and he warmed at the sight. He caught himself and looked away, missing the small face of disappointment she made as she saw him turn back to Merlin, eyes softening as he looked at his friend.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Many hours and many drinks later, everyone retired to their chambers. Merlin was left alone with Arthur in the King’s rooms. Arthur was going to ask Merlin to finish his chores and ready him for bed, but as he turned around and saw his manservant practically bouncing on his feet, ready to leave the room, he sighed and dismissed him.

Merlin frowned and asked “are you okay Arthur?”

“I’m perfectly fine.”

“Are you sure?”

Arthur sighed. “Yes Merlin, just go find Lancelot. All your flittering is putting me on edge.”

Merlin grinned. “Thanks Arthur.”

Arthur softened and smiled slightly. “You’re welcome. Now go.” He shooed him out the door. As he closed it, he leaned his head on the frame and tried to calm himself down. Arthur couldn’t figure out why he felt so strange. He was incredibly glad Lancelot was back, he just felt very overwhelmed with everything, including what Merlin said about the goodness of his reign. Once again he was hit with those feelings he got when his servant showed that unwavering faith in him. It was too much for him to deal with, so he just went to bed and tried to sleep. He tossed and turned all night, but he resolved to keep thoughts of Merlin out of his head.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Merlin went and found Lancelot in the knight’s quarters, his old room being returned to him since no one had occupied it. Merlin knocked and Lancelot opened the door, smiling once he saw who it was. “Merlin! Come in.”

Merlin walked in and Lancelot gestured for him to sit down at the table. Lancelot pulled a chair out for himself, and they sat opposite one another, both seemingly waiting for the other to speak first.

Merlin sighed. “Okay. I’ll start. I’ve got a lot to catch you up on that’s happened in the past year.”

“Don’t leave anything out. I’ll know.” Merlin looked indignant at that. “I’ll know! I know you too well, Merlin. Tell me everything. I want to help.”

Merlin smiled softly. “Thank you. I’ll start with what happened once we returned back to Camelot after you…”

Lancelot sighed. “You can say it Merlin. I died. I told you to stop feeling guilty.”

“Okay. After you died…”

Merlin recounted in detail all that had happened since Lancelot had been gone, stopping to chastise his friend when the knight couldn’t stop laughing at the tales of what Merlin had done under the influence of the Fomorrah, and imagining the faces of his friends as Merlin used them as a step stool disguised as an old man. Lancelot angered slightly at hearing what the knights had done under the influence of the Lamia.

“I wondered, you know.” Merlin said.

“Wondered what?”

“If you could have resisted her. It was hard for me to imagine you ever saying anything like that to me. Especially hurting me physically. But I realized it wasn’t fair to them. They didn’t know what they were doing.”

“I like to think I wouldn’t have, but in their right minds they never would have said those things either. You know they don’t see you as just a servant Merlin.”

“I know. I guess you were just always a bit different for me.”

Lancelot grinned. “Yes, must be nice knowing the Gods care about you enough to send an entire person back to the land of the living for you. I am different in that respect.”

Merlin snorted and Lancelot sobered. “I’m back now. They sent me back to share the burden, and that’s what I intend to do. Don’t keep anything from me. Please.” He only wanted to help his friend, and the desperation leaked into his voice as he spoke.

“Are you sure? You’ve only ever wanted to be knight, Lancelot. I don’t want to keep forcing you to lie to Arthur. I know keeping this secret is difficult for you.”

“I told you once I would take your secret to my grave.”

“You already did.”

Lancelot smiled. “Then I’ll do it again. I’m loyal to Arthur, you know that. I’d die for him. But I’m loyal to you too. He may not know it, but I know that these things are one in the same. Being loyal to you means I’m loyal to him. I want to help, Merlin. Promise me that you’ll let me.”

The gravity of Lancelot’s words set in, and the vow settled over Merlin like the comfort of a blanket. He felt safe. Slightly dumbstruck by the conversation he just had, and revelling in the feeling of his friend’s loyalty, he merely nodded, and returned Lancelot’s smile.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two weeks later saw Lancelot’s first official hunt back in the red cloak. He couldn’t contain his glee at the thought of rejoining his group of friends on their missions. Arthur and the Knights had welcomed him back into the fray with open arms, needing no encouragement from Merlin, though he would have given it.

Merlin couldn’t contain his grin as he saw Lancelot walk down the castle steps and into the courtyard, dressed in his chainmail and knight’s cloak. Merlin was readying Lancelot’s horse when his friend joined him. “Excited to be back?” Merlin asked.

“Extremely. Excited for a hunt?”

Lancelot laughed as Merlin groaned.

“If you’d stop dawdling _Mer_ lin maybe we could catch something before the sun goes down?” Arthur teased, although it came out a lot more affectionate than he was intending. Merlin made a very obvious showing of rolling his eyes and sighing as loud as possible before mounting his horse. Arthur turned and rode away, only allowing himself to be mildly upset when he realized Merlin hadn’t taken his usual place at Arthur’s side, but was instead waiting for Lancelot to mount up. He steeled himself, sure that Merlin would come and take the place beside him once they were out of the citadel.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An hour’s ride outside of Camelot, the Knights and Merlin were subject to another one of Gwaine’s wild tales, not surprisingly, involving a tavern. As he finally finished his story, arms waving wildly about, Arthur turned to make a joke to Merlin, only to sulk when he realized he wasn’t there. He turned around in his saddle to look all the way behind him, frowning slightly when he saw Merlin and Lancelot at the back of the group riding close together, talking lowly and laughing with each other.

Arthur forced himself to push those strange feelings down again. He refused to even acknowledge the voice in his head that was telling him he was jealous, especially since that voice sounded suspiciously like Merlin.

Arthur gestured Gwaine to ride up next to him, leaning in closer to whisper out a question to the knight. “Were they always this close?”

Gwaine looked confused before he followed Arthur’s gaze to land on Lancelot and Merlin, who, to Arthur’s dismay, appeared to be leaning even closer together.

Gwaine chuckled slightly, but it sounded a tiny bit forced. “Yeah, they were.”

“Really? I never noticed.”

Gwaine scoffed and went to say something like ‘of course you didn’t’ to the King, but stopped when he saw the genuinely confused and upset look on Arthur’s face. Gwaine tried to put it into words. “It’s hard to really understand what they have. I don’t. I don’t think any of us do. But they were always together. Whenever we did anything, think about who paired off. It was always them. Unless of course Merlin was with you, but him and Lancelot were together constantly. It’s as if they just…understand each other.”

Arthur tried to absorb it all, but he asked the question that had been nagging him. “But Merlin barely even grieved for Lancelot?” His voice rose at the end, posing the statement as a question.

Then Gwaine really did scoff. “Arthur, he was heartbroken. Any time any of us brought up Lancelot’s name, Merlin would close off. Ironically, he became the perfect servant. Not the friend we know and love. You never really picked up on it, but Merlin never told you so we decided to leave it. We however quickly learned not to mention Lance’s name around him. He never asked us not to, but I know him. He was grateful for the reprieve.”

Arthur was stunned. He had never realized any of that. He looked back at Merlin, seeing now that he looked happier than he had looked in a very long time. Arthur couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Merlin smile like that; so light and full of joy. “How did I never see that?”

Gwaine contemplated making a joke, but he knew that wasn’t what Arthur needed at the moment. “It’s easier for you to think of Merlin as a happy and bubbly servant, so I believe you choose to see what you want to see. Thinking of him as being sad would hurt you, so you ignore the signs. You don’t realize you do it, and Merlin never tells you, because above all, he wants you to think he’s fine, even when he’s not. He never wants to trouble you, and he certainly never wants to upset you, so he keeps it to himself.”

Arthur looked at Gwaine’s sincere face, and knew he really believed what he was saying. Although Arthur loathed to admit it, it made sense. He hated the idea that Merlin had even been hurt, physically or otherwise, so he did tend to let things go when Merlin seemed down, not wanting to push and hear that his friend was hurt. He looked back at Merlin, nodding in acknowledgement when Merlin looked up at met his eyes, cocking his head in confusion as if he noticed Arthur was down.

Gwaine spoke up again. “If you miss him, Princess, just tell him.”

Arthur glared at Gwaine, but then he sighed, very resigned. “I can’t Gwaine.”

“Why not?”

“Lancelot DIED for us. He gave his life in place of mine. I can’t very well go tell Merlin that I’m jealous of Lancelot and he needs to come back here. Lancelot made the ultimate sacrifice, and I cannot in good faith hold a grudge against him for anything, not even this.”

Gwaine looked at him out of the corner of his eye, then grinned slightly. “You’re more noble than I gave you credit for.”

Arthur huffed, then straightened his back and squared his shoulders. “That’s just what kings do.”

Gwaine let out a loud laugh, throwing his head back as he shook his head. Merlin and Lancelot looked up at the sound, smiling softly at the sight of Arthur and Gwaine grinning at each other.

Arthur turned to his knight. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Does them being this close bother you? I know you and Merlin usually spend a lot of time together.”

Gwaine shrugged, but Arthur didn’t miss the short longing glance he sent in the direction of the back of the group. “Merlin’s my best friend.” Gwaine said matter-of-factly. “It never bothered me that I’m not his. I feel lucky to be his friend at all, whatever that looks like.”

Arthur eyed his knight in turn. “That’s very noble of you, _Sir_ Gwaine.”

Gwaine groaned. “Please never say that again.”

Arthur just laughed.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After coming back from the hunt, Arthur decided he should go visit Gwen, since they hadn’t spent a day together in a long time. He knocked on her door, feeling very awkward as he heard shuffling on the other side before it opened to a flustered and surprised Gwen.

“Arthur!”

“Guinevere.”

“Is everything all right?”

“Yes! Yes, I just – uhh- just wanted to stop by and see how you were! And ask if you perhaps wanted to spend the day with me tomorrow.” Arthur got the words out, groaning inwardly at his stuttering.

Gwen smiled warmly, but inwardly she was panicking at the idea of spending the way with him. They hadn’t had a lot of time alone in a while and she was worried things would be awkward.

“Of course! I’d love to” She said.

“Wonderful. I’ll have Merlin prepare everything.” Arthur inwardly frowned as he mentioned his manservant’s name, but Gwen either didn’t notice his discomfort, or tactfully chose to ignore it.

“Right, well I’ll just…be off then.”

Gwen knocked herself out of her distracted state and met his eyes, nodded at him with a smile and closed the door after saying goodnight. Both sighed loudly as they walked away.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day saw Arthur and Gwen in the courtyard, getting ready to ride away for a picnic. Arthur cursed his manservant for taking so long, because he couldn’t keep pretending to readjust his saddle, and judging by the amused look on Gwen’s face, she knew exactly what he was doing.

Arthur scowled when he saw Merlin jog down the steps, before turning into a full blown frown that he caught and transformed into indifference when he realized Lancelot was following behind him.

“Merlin!” Arthur yelled.

Merlin just grinned. “Yes, sire?”

“Where have you been?” Arthur frowned again as he heard Lancelot chuckle from behind Merlin, faking a cough to cover it.

Merlin just continued grinning, dutifully ignoring his friend behind him. “Nowhere, just preparing all you need.”

“Where’s your horse?”

Merlin cocked his head. “My horse?”

Arthur gave him his ‘you’re an idiot look’. “Yes _Mer_ lin, your horse. Unless you plan to walk to the river?”

Merlin’s eyes widened slightly, looking between him and Gwen, then back at Arthur. Arthur also didn’t miss Merlin’s subtle shift backwards towards Lancelot. “Well sire, I assumed you wouldn’t want me there. I made plans.”

“Plans.” Arthur said with a dead stare.

“Plans.” Merlin affirmed.

“Doing what?”

Merlin looked back at Lancelot then, who was giving him an amused look and an almost imperceptible shake of the head, having a conversation without words. Merlin turned back to Arthur. “Lancelot and I were just going to spend the day in the town.” Lancelot once again covered a laugh with a cough. Arthur glared at both of them before settling on Merlin. He didn’t know what to say. He understood why Merlin would believe he wanted alone time with Gwen, but the idea of Lancelot and Merlin spending the day together did unpleasant things to his stomach. And the look they shared? Arthur didn’t think for one second they were really going to spend their day in the town.

Arthur heaved a great sigh, knowing there was nothing he could do that wouldn’t be suspicious. “Go on then. But I expect you back later.” He tried not to get too upset when he saw the look of relief on Merlin’s face, and watched as he turned away, missing the questioning look Lancelot sent Arthur’s way. They walked away, smiling and laughing, while an uncomfortable silence stretched over Arthur and Gwen.

She looked at him then, and tried to set him at ease. “We don’t have to go today if you aren’t feeling up to it.”

“No!” Arthur responded, entirely too quickly. “No no. We’ll go. Just because my idiot servant has decided to take a day off doesn’t mean we shouldn’t enjoy our day.” Even Arthur couldn’t mask the slight fondness in his voice.

Gwen just nodded, and the two left, riding towards a clearing where they used to have picnics.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The picnic was awkward, to say the least. Neither Gwen nor Arthur knew what to say, and eventually Gwen decided to put them both out of their misery.

“This isn’t working” Gwen said.

“The food? There are other things packed if you’d prefer something else-“ Arthur began to unpack the rest of the food, but stopped when he saw Gwen’s face.

“Arthur. You and I both know that whatever was between us seems to have dwindled.”

He sighed. “Yes, I suppose it has.”

“And I think we both know why.”

Arthur was confused. “We do?”

Gwen let out an exasperated sigh. “Arthur, how does seeing Merlin and Lancelot together make you feel?”

Arthur became even more confused. “Why? What does that have to do with us?”

Gwen gave him the look again. “Because I think you feel the same when you look at Lancelot as I do when I look at Merlin.”

“And what would that be?”

“Jealousy.”

Arthur spluttered. “I am not, jealous of Lancelot.” He emphasized ‘not’, but he knew he was in a losing battle when he realized he was trying more to convince himself than Gwen.

She sighed. “Arthur, we would be doing ourselves a disservice if we continued in this manner, knowing there are people out there for us that we would rather be with.”

“You’d rather be with Lancelot.”

She realized what she had said and immediately tried to take it back. “Arthur no! You are wonderful and you’re the king and I-“

“Guinevere, stop.” He interrupted her. “It’s all right. You’re right. About both of us.” He added that last admission on quieter, more to himself than to her.

She smiled softly at him. “So we remain friends. Support to one another.”

Arthur smiled. “I would like that.” He frowned. “But Lancelot and Merlin…they’re together. We cannot get in the way of that.”

Gwen smiled sadly. “I know. They do seem incredibly happy around one another, and Lancelot and I have not had a lot of time to speak. Whatever the case may be, even if they are happy together, we should not settle for one another if there is one we feel stronger about. Even if that means we remain alone until we find someone new. Someone who we deserve.”

Arthur raised his goblet with her in a toast. “To being alone!”

She laughed. “To being alone.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Life carried on much as it had, Arthur pining alone, Lancelot helping Merlin as he dealt with numerous threats to Arthur and Camelot, Gaius giving them both The Eyebrow. Of course, nothing could stay perfect for long.

It was a simple patrol, so of course there was a bandit attack. Merlin barely even had the energy to roll his eyes when Arthur ignored his warning and then promptly jumped off his horse once the first arrow came flying.

Merlin was hiding behind a tree, helping the knights as much as he could. His eyes flashed golden as a tree branch fell and knocked out a bandit who was advancing behind Percival. He kept his eyes on Arthur and kept making the bandits trip. It was his divided focus that ruined everything.

Just as he finished crushing a bandit who was heading for Arthur with a tree branch, he missed the final bandit coming up behind Lancelot.

His eyes shifted right as he saw the sword pierce Lancelot’s side.

“NO!” Merlin screamed, sprinting from his hiding place, beating the knights there with a speed that surprised them. Percival moved quickly and dispatched the bandit as Merlin caught Lancelot while he was falling.

He was losing too much blood. They could all see the wound, and how Merlin’s holding pressure wouldn’t make a difference.

Lancelot was awake and looking at all of them before turning his gaze to Merlin. “Hey, hey Merlin. Look at me” teary eyes reluctantly turned to him. “It’ll be fine”.

Merlin was nodding. “Yes it will. You’re going to be fine” he said, doing his best to convince himself.

Arthur, who had been silently watching the ordeal moved up behind Merlin and put a hand on his shoulder. “Merlin. We need to move”

The warlock vehemently shook his head. “No. I need to stop the bleeding. He won’t make it back to Gaius in time.”

Arthur and the others made a pained face, while Lancelot continued to look on Merlin worryingly, resigned to his fate but terrified for his friend.

“Merlin…” Arthur started. “I don’t think…”

“No!” Merlin yells, interrupting him. He looks at Lancelot. “I watched you die once. I am NOT going to lose you again.” The knight’s hearts break a little more at that, as does Arthur’s.

“Merlin…” Lancelot moaned.

“I’m going to fix this” Merlin said, decision already made without hesitation.

Lancelot squinted until a look of realization crossed his face. With what very little energy he had left, he tried to squirm away. “No! Merlin you can’t! Please don’t…” the knights were extremely confused.

Merlin shook his head and took a deep breath. “I’m doing it.”

“Merlin I’m not worth it.”

Merlin turned an offended look on Lancelot. “Yes. You. Are. I told you. I will not lose you again.” He looked up at Arthur, who was wearing a look of confusion and disbelief. He looked the King in the eye and the expression Arthur saw was one that scared him. “Once Lancelot is alright, you can kill me yourself.”

“Merlin what on earth are you talking abo-“ he was cut off as Merlin held his hands over Lancelot’s wound, ignoring the knight’s protests, and began chanting in an unknown language as his eyes glowed gold.

Everyone gasped except Arthur, who stood frozen, staring at Merlin’s eyes.

Merlin finished chanting and he looked at the wound expectantly, growing frantic when he saw it was still bleeding. The knights were in too much shock to react or attempt to stop him, as was Arthur.

“No…” Merlin whispered.

Lancelot, who was growing weaker, gripped Merlin’s hand and said: “It’s alright. Just take me to Avalon.”

“No…” Merlin said, louder and more insistent. “No.” He raised his hands again and repeated the spell, cursing when nothing changed. He looked up to the skies and yelled. “You can’t take him from me! You sent him back for me? Then let me save him!” The knights watched on, bewildered as Merlin took another deep breath and closed his eyes.

As he began to chant, the world felt as if it shifted on its axis. The very air they breathed began to hum with power, and the only sound that could be heard above the pounding in their ears was Merlin incanting the spell.

Once he finished, they collectively gasped as they saw Lancelot’s wound reduced to nothing more than a mere scratch, the knight unconscious, but breathing soundly. Merlin breathed a sigh of relief, before tensing and turning back to the group. He then looked at Arthur. “I will come with you back to Camelot and ensure he is alright. Then, you can do what you want with me.”

The knights tensed as they understood the implication of his words, while Arthur just silently turned his disgusted and disbelieving face away from Merlin and walked back to the horses. He carelessly waved his hand at the knights in an effort to tell them to prepare to leave.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The ride back towards Camelot was filled with silence. Arthur couldn’t even bear to look in Merlin’s direction, words like _betrayal_ and _liar_ and _traitor_ running through his head. His main thought, which he resolutely ignored, was that he had fallen for a sorcerer, and he should hate himself for the fact that he still had those feelings.

Meanwhile, each knight unabashedly stared at Merlin, rethinking everything they knew about the man. Gwaine was upset, trying to understand why Merlin never confided in him, and also hitting himself for missing the most obvious signs known to man.

The silence couldn’t last forever, and they were hit with another set of bandits. A group larger than the last came upon them, and Merlin cursed as he not-so-gracefully maneuvered Lancelot into a spot near a tree. Muttering a quick protective spell that would keep his friend safe, he rushed back to the battle to see his friends being severely outnumbered. Not needing to hide anymore, he thrust his arms out and sent every single bandit flying, knocking them all unconscious.

All the knights, even Arthur, paused in their movements and gaped at him, shocked at such a blatant display of raw power. In their sputtering, they failed to see a bandit rising and stalking up behind Arthur. Merlin looks over his king’s shoulders and yells “Arthur!” and sends the bandit flying right as Arthur turned around to see himself be struck down.

In that commotion, Merlin missed the sense of an arrow being sent his way, and didn’t sense it until it was buried deep into his back. He grunted and fell, distantly hearing his friend’s yell his name and rush over to him.

The last thing he saw before he fell unconscious was Arthur’s worried face above his.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lancelot woke up feeling very groggy, but cursed when he looked at his wound and saw there was practically nothing there.

“Damnit Merlin” he muttered as he sat up and looked around. He frowned when he saw the Knights and Arthur down a hill, surrounded by fallen bandits. He grew terrified as he realized he couldn’t see Merlin.

He got up and sprinted down to them.

“Where is he?”

He saw Gwaine grimace as he parted the circle they had made and showed Merlin’s unconscious form to Lancelot. As he knelt down to look at the wound he breathed a sigh of relief and muttered to himself ‘at least he didn’t kill you’. He thought he had said it quietly, but with the sharp intake of breath he heard from Arthur, who was standing a back slightly and pretending not to worry about Merlin, he realized he’d said it louder than he thought.

“I think the arrow is poisoned. We don’t have time.” Gwaine said worriedly.

Lancelot just glanced at Merlin and shrugged. “He’ll be fine.”

Percival guffawed. “How can you say that! Look at him!” They all looked down and saw how pale Merlin’s skin was.

Lancelot shrugged again and gave a pointed look at all of them. “He’s had a lot worse.”

That made Arthur pause, but he hid his reaction well. He knew Merlin had been poisoned before; he watched the idiot drink from the goblet himself, but Arthur had a feeling that wasn’t what Lancelot was referring to.

“Let’s take him back to Gaius” Lancelot said.

Gwaine chewed on his lip. “Are you sure he’ll make it?” he asked.

Lancelot smiled softly as he looked at Merlin. “He’ll make it. He’s too stubborn not to.”

Once again, Arthur vaguely waved his hand, mind too busy to even attempt to speak. Lancelot glanced at him worriedly, and then turned to Gwaine.

“Has he said anything?”

“About?” Lancelot gave him a pointed look. Gwaine just shook his head.

Lancelot carefully lifted Merlin and draped him over his horse. He mounted up and followed a distance behind the others, wanting to be able to keep Merlin safe.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was silent for a while before Arthur spoke, shocking everyone.

“He healed you” Arthur said, clearly addressing Lancelot, who was eyeing him wearily.

“Yes.”

“Using magic.”

“Yes.”

“He’s a sorcerer.”

“Warlock” Lancelot corrected.

“What’s the difference?” Arthur asked, annoyed, not really expecting a real answer.

“He was born with his powers” Lancelot said, but didn’t elaborate. Arthur pondered the answer, as did the knights.

“How long have you known?” Leon asked, uncomfortable with the prospect of magic and also angry that Lancelot had kept such a huge secret from the King.

“Since the griffin.”

“That was when you first came to Camelot!” Arthur yelled.

Lancelot simply said “yes”.

“And why didn’t you inform Arthur or his father?” Leon asked calmly, but they could all tell he was angry.

“It wasn’t my secret to tell. It still isn’t. I won’t tell you anything he’s done, except that everything has been for you, sire.”

Arthur stiffened and tried to ignore what Lancelot said, even though the traitorous part of him believed the words.

“He yelled that you were sent back for him” Elyan said, but it came out as more of a question.

Lancelot looked surprised but nodded slightly. “That’s true. I wasn’t sent back because of the Round Table. The Gods saw that Merlin was struggling greatly and said he needed my help. So they sent me back.”

“Struggling?” Gwaine asked.

“He has the weight of the world on his shoulders. He carries a burden so great it can destroy a man. He’s been doing it all alone. His destiny is so expansive it’s ripping him apart.”

Arthur didn’t know what to make of that. It was cryptic and daunting

“What do you mean?” Gwaine asked. “What destiny?”

Lancelot hesitated.

“Tell me everything, Lancelot” Arthur said.

“There’s so much even I don’t know, sire. Things he leaves out.”

“Why?”

“Because he forgets.”

“Forgets what?”

“That he has people who care about him.” As he said it, the Knights glanced between each other with shared looks of guilt. They all knew, to an extent, that they may take advantage of Merlin slightly, but they had never thought that he actually doubted what he meant to them. Even Arthur, despite everything he had been taught, felt overwhelmingly guilty as well; so much so he felt Lancelot’s words like a physical blow to his chest that set him off balance.

“Why did he never tell me?” Gwaine asked quietly, sounding more hurt than anyone had ever heard him.

Lancelot gives him a sad smile. “I wanted him to. I asked why he didn’t and he told me he didn’t want to share his burden with anyone else because he always loses them. One way or another they die and he said he knew he couldn’t survive losing another friend.” The knights’ hearts ached once again.

“But he does trust me, right? He knows I’m more loyal to him than to Arthur.” Gwaine said.

“I’m your king, Gwaine.” Arthur piped in.

“You already knew this, Princess.” Gwaine replied.

Arthur sighed and nodded.

“He knows you’re loyal to him. It terrifies him.” Lancelot said to Gwaine.

“Why?”

With another sad look at his friend, Lancelot dealt the final blow to Arthur and the knights’ hearts. “He doesn’t think he deserves it.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As they arrived back to Camelot, the Knights rushed to get Merlin and bring him to Gaius. Lancelot watched them fuss over Merlin with a small smile on his face, but his face dropped when he turned to Arthur. The King just walked away, barely giving Merlin a second glance. He still couldn’t bear to look at him. Arthur just stalked away to his chambers, and Lancelot decided it was best to let him calm down before he went to talk to him. With an internal sigh, he followed the Knights to Gaius’ chambers.

It was a few hours later when all the Knights had reluctantly left that Lancelot chose to go visit Arthur. They had both had time to think, and Lancelot knew what he wanted to say to the King. He had spent the hours ignoring questions from the knights about Merlin’s magic, only answering Leon with a firm confirmation that Merlin was the best man he had ever known, and magic didn’t change that, in fact it was an important factor. Leon promptly shut up after that, not appreciating the glare he received from Gwaine.

Lancelot arrived at Arthur’s chambers and knocked. He heard a weak “enter” as a reply, and slowly pushed the door open and stepped inside.

Arthur, who looked like his world had crumbled around him, looked up and said “Lancelot.”

The knight inclined his head. “Sire. I’m here about Merlin.”

Arthur stiffened. “Is he…”

Lancelot’s eyes widened. “No! No he’s fine. Still unconscious, but Gaius has assured me he will make a full recovery.”

Arthur relaxed slightly and tried not to let the relief show on his face. “What about Merlin?” he finally asked.

“I just wanted to tell you, sire…” Lancelot trailed off, his whole planned speech completely gone from his mind. Arthur nodded, wanting him to continue. Lancelot took a deep breath and straightened. “I am loyal to you, Arthur” the King was shocked that his knight dropped the title. “I would die for you, and for Camelot. All I ever wanted was to be a knight and to serve a great king. I hope I have proven that loyalty.” Arthur nodded, agreeing. “But if you make a decision here that is unfavourable…I will have no choice but to do everything in my power to help Merlin. If there’s one thing, one person, I’m willing to give up my knighthood for, it’s him.”

Arthur absorbed all of this, and he realized he already knew it. He could see it in their glances, the way the two of them searched each other out. “You really love him” Arthur said, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Lancelot cocked his head to the side, a bit confused at the statement, but he nodded. “Of course I do. He’s like a brother to me and…”

Arthur’s brain halted. Brother? What? He knew Lancelot was still talking but he couldn’t hear him over the word _brother_ ringing through his head.

He interrupted Lancelot. “You and Merlin, you’re not in a romantic relationship?”

Arthur could see Lancelot go through many stages: shock, confusion, understanding, and then, to Arthur’s dismay, smugness. That last face lasted a lot longer than the others.

Lancelot said, more to himself than to Arthur. “Ah. Now it makes sense.”

“What does?”

“Nothing, sire. No. We’re not.” Arthur allowed himself the small feeling of joy that erupted for a moment before squashing the traitorous feeling down. Lancelot continued, deciding it was best not to comment on the king’s feelings for Merlin. “Just know that I mean this. Merlin is good. There’s nothing more to it. And I know you know he’s good, despite what you may think about magic. Trust him. He’s done so much for all of us. Also,” he added, “I expect Gwaine to come by soon and give you a similar speech, so be prepared for that.”

Arthur sighed. “Yes, I suppose he will. Lancelot? Thank you. For your…honesty.”

Lancelot bowed again. “Sire.”

He walked to the door and stopped, turning around to look at Arthur. He was searching for something, it seemed, and he nodded and left once he found it in Arthur’s face.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A while later, Arthur’s door swung open and Gwaine stepped in. Arthur let out an exasperated sigh.

Gwaine walked towards Arthur, holding a hand to the hilt of his sheathed sword. A very obvious and visible message. “I’m here to tell you that-“ he stopped when he looked at Arthur’s face. “I don’t need to threaten you, do I?”

Arthur’s lips twitched, and he was begrudgingly impressed that his knight was perceptive enough to read the decision he had made on his face. “No, you don’t. I would however like to remind you Gwaine that I am your king.”

“I know, but the only person I am unconditionally loyal to is Merlin.” Gwaine glared at Arthur, daring him to object.

The King sighed again. “I’m not going to argue with it, Gwaine. I’m okay with it. Pleased, even.”

“Good.” He nodded to himself, and turned to walk out, but he stopped in the doorway, just as Lancelot did. “Talk to him. Please just tell him all you want to say.”

“What do you mean?” Arthur asked, brows furrowed.

“Tell him what he means to you. If I’ve learned anything from what Lance has told us, it’s that he doesn’t seem to know that he has so many people who would die a thousand times before they would let him get hurt. We need him to know how much he means to us. But ultimately, you matter most to him. Let him know. I know you two seem to mask your affection underneath insults, but this time, say it clearly, Princess, please.” He walked out before he could see Arthur’s jaw drop, then face resolve into a determined look.

“I will.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For three days Arthur had been pacing constantly, and pestering Gaius because he was terrified that Merlin hadn’t woken up. The physician remained confident he would, but it didn’t help soothe Arthur’s nerves. All the Knights were by as often as they could be, but for the most part, they had taken over council meetings and training so that Arthur could be with Merlin. Arthur didn’t have to thank Leon for arranging it all, the knight just smiled softly at nodded.

Arthur was sitting at Merlin’s bedside, speaking about nothing when the warlock shifted, and moaned ‘Arthur’ before opening his eyes.

Merlin felt a warmth leave his hand, and as he looked down he noticed Arthur in the room, coming to the conclusion the King must have been holding it. His eyes then turned to Arthur’s and they went wide, and to Arthur’s dismay, Merlin then looked scared. It was a fleeting emotion before a startling look of acceptance crossed Merlin’s face.

“Is Lancelot alright?” Merlin asked.

Arthur sighed. “Yes. He’s fine. You, however, have been asleep for three days.”

Merlin looked confused. He muttered to himself: “It doesn’t usually take that long for me to recover from a poisoning.”

“Gaius said it was because you used so much magic before.” Arthur said with a deliberately straight face, keeping his emotions in check.

Merlin took it to mean something bad was going to happen. He considered begging, but he decided against it, knowing it would do nothing. “Whatever punishment you deem fit, I will accept.”

“Even if I wanted to execute you?” Arthur shot back before he could stop himself.

Merlin looked up at him, shocked because he never actually thought he would do it, and the heartbroken look on his face actually broke Arthur, but then Merlin nodded and replied. “If that’s what you want, sire.”

“But you could escape.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“Why?” Arthur pressed, getting angry at Merlin’s lack of self-preservation.

“I’d rather be dead than have you look at me with hatred or fear.”

And if that didn’t silence Arthur, nothing would’ve. He was dumbfounded.

“Merlin.”

The warlock kept his eyes downcast, accepting his fate.

“I’m not going to execute you. Or banish you.”

Merlin looked up. “Really?”

“If I’m to believe you’ve saved my life and Camelot’s more times than I can count, then no.” Merlin deflated, knowing it meant Arthur no longer cared about him. Seeing his face, Arthur added on quickly. “Beyond that, you are my friend, and I want you to stay.”

Merlin beamed at him, and Arthur’s thought process trailed off, heart caught on the look on Merlin’s face.

He shook himself out of it. “But Merlin, I need you to tell me everything. You cannot leave everything out. And I need you to promise me that you will never keep anything from me again. I’m the king. I need to know what’s going on in my kingdom. And I don’t want you going and getting yourself killed because you tried to take on an army or something all by yourself.”

Merlin grinned and nodded. “I promise I’ll tell you everything. But so much has happened that I may forget some things. I’ll do my best.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A month later saw Merlin and Arthur closer than ever. The King was working to repeal the ban, and Merlin could finally be himself and live without the burden of his secret. Merlin had a heart to heart with Gwaine that ended with both of them teary-eyed, though the knight would never admit it. It ended with a promise that whenever Merlin needed help, he’d go to Gwaine, no matter how mundane he believed the issue to be. The other promise of course being that Gwaine could ask Merlin to use magic to help with his pranks. The Knights all similarly came to him, Leon last because he was honestly still weary of magic. That ended when they were on a hunt and Merlin was showing them all he could do. By the end, it was Leon who was first to beg Merlin to make shapes out of fire again, and it was him apologizing profusely for not trusting him immediately after, especially since on the way back, Merlin, with a flick of his wrist, ended the bandit attack before it even began and saved Leon from a hit he would’ve missed.

The Knights’ and Merlin’s friendship was thriving, Merlin and Lancelot continued to be model best friends, and Arthur was only slightly jealous.

One night, Merlin was with Arthur in his chambers, sitting by the fireplace. Arthur was listening to Merlin tell another story about his magic; this one less tragic, just a fun tale of something him and Will got up to.

Merlin’s face lit up and he looked so happy when talking about his magic that it made Arthur fall in love with him just a bit more.

Before he could stop himself, Arthur blurted out “Guinevere and I ended things.”

Merlin stopped. “What? Is everything alright?”

Arthur sighed. “Yes. We both just realized that there was no point in continuing when there were people we’d both rather be with.”

Merlin was confused and slightly upset that Arthur had fallen for ANOTHER person.

“So Gwen and…”

“Lancelot, yes.” Arthur confirmed.

Merlin gasped. “He never told me.”

“They’re not together yet, otherwise I know you’d be the first he told, but I assume it’ll be soon.”

“And you’re alright with that?”

“More than. Lancelot is a great man and he’ll do right by her.”

“But what about you?”

Arthur feigned indifference, not knowing if he was ready to confess. “What about me?”

“Who would you rather be with?”

Arthur sighed, not being able to believe that Merlin was really that oblivious. He went a different route. “Did you ever notice that I was somewhat short with Lancelot when he first came back?”

Merlin frowned. “Yes but I assumed it was because you thought magic was involved or that he wanted to steal Gwen from you.”

To Merlin’s confusion, Arthur actually laughed. For a little longer than necessary. “No, that’s not why.”

“Then why?”

Arthur looked at Merlin meaningfully, studying his face, and Merlin resisted the urge to squirm under the intense stare.

“I was jealous of him.”

“Because of Gwen.” Merlin supplied unhelpfully.

“No, because he was spending so much time with you.”

“With me?”

“I thought you two were together…romantically.”

“Me and Lancelot?” Merlin asked incredulously. He then burst out laughing but stopped when he saw Arthur’s face. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Tell you what, Merlin. That I was jealous of a man who gave his life in place of mine and who saved Camelot? I couldn’t do that. I didn’t even realize why I was jealous until Gwaine and Gwen pointed it out for me.”

“So why?”

“Why what?”

“Why were you jealous?”

Arthur really did gape at Merlin then, unwilling to believe he didn’t understand but continuing anyway. “Because…because I realized I didn’t want Lancelot to be with you, because I did. I do. Want to be with you. Somehow, despite literally every reason not to, those being you’re an idiot, your enormous ears, you’re too clumsy...”

“Hey!”

Arthur just smiled at Merlin with a teasing look so besotted that Merlin’s breath caught.

“Despite all that…” Arthur continued, “somehow…I fell in love with you. And thinking you were with Lancelot? It hurt. And I didn’t realize why until Gwaine and Gwen told me.”

“You love me.” Merlin repeated back blankly, sure heard incorrectly.

“Are you deaf? Yes. I’m not saying all that again.”

Merlin just continued to stare at Arthur, not saying anything for so long that the King felt his heart sink at the obvious rejection and he went to turn away before Merlin panicked and grabbed his arm to turn him back towards him.

“Say it again” Merlin said softly.

Arthur was unsure, but the look on Merlin’s face gave him hope. “I love you.”

Merlin then broke into a smile so beautiful that Arthur was sure he’d give up anything to see it again. “I love you too.”

Neither of them could tell who moved first, but neither broke eye contact as they leaned in, both only closing their eyes at the light press of lips; slow movement so tender that Merlin wanted to cry.

Arthur pulled back and smiled at Merlin. “You love me.”

“I have for a very long time you clotpole, but thank you.”  
“For?”

“For loving me back.” He gave Arthur a shy smile and the King was sure his pounding heart was going to burst.

“How could I not?” he whispered, eyes on Merlin’s mouth the whole time before he connected their lips again.

They spent the rest of the night in the same position, stealing kisses slowly as they talked about everything and nothing, going deep into the night and eventually falling asleep with Merlin’s head on Arthur’s chest.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One year later, Arthur couldn’t help but smile as he looked over his people. He turned down to Merlin, who was kneeling and pretending to listen to Geoffrey as he detailed the honour of being the Court Sorcerer- Merlin coughed meaningfully – Warlock.

Merlin then began saying his vows, not taking his eyes off Arthur as he swore to be loyal to Camelot and to do all in his power to help the people and the kingdom.

Arthur smiled at him again, before shifting his eyes and landing on Lancelot, who was standing next to Gwen and looking at Merlin with a smile second only to the one he wore on his wedding day.

Lancelot’s eyes moved up at met Arthur’s. Arthur inclined his head slightly, an inaudible ‘thank you for everything’ clear in the gaze. Lancelot replied with an equal tilt, showing respect but also approval.

Arthur would never admit it, but he was scared of Lancelot when he was given the ‘if you hurt him, I’ll have to kill you. Respectfully, sire of course’. Getting his approval meant a lot to him, but Arthur ultimately knew Lancelot would be satisfied as long as Merlin was happy, and Arthur had every intention of making sure Merlin was happy every day for the rest of his life.

Arthur was drawn back in as Merlin finished his bows, and he bid him to rise. He placed the circlet on his head, not that that was common for the Court Warlock, but Merlin outright refused to be given an official Consort title, so he relented and agreed to a crown.

Merlin beamed at Arthur and his beautiful blue eyes turned to the shade of gold that made Arthur’s breath catch every time as the throne room filled with lights of different colours. The crowd gasped and looked around, awed, but Arthur never took his eyes off Merlin.

He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Merlin’s lips, chuckling as he heard Gwaine yelling “ah we don’t need to see that!”

Arthur and Merlin then turned to their kingdom and walked hand in hand out of the throne room, Merlin blushing as he heard the thunderous applause and cheers, the Knights being the loudest of course, except Gwen, who no one had any idea could yell so loud. Except Lancelot. He had been on the receiving end of a particularly scary screaming session when Gwen discovered he and Merlin had gone on a dangerous quest without informing her.

Arthur barely had the time to pull Merlin to him when Lancelot swept in and dragged Merlin away, both smiling and laughing at the spluttering king and spluttering wife of the knight.

Merlin turned back to Arthur and smiled, and Arthur watched Lancelot and Merlin walk away, talking and laughing, occasionally shoving each other lightly before Merlin used his magic to make Lancelot trip.

He watched them go with a content smile on his face, pretty damn glad that the knight came back into their lives and saved Merlin’s.


End file.
